The Seven Sins of Samantha Carter
by Atheniandream
Summary: Thoughts behind the pictures in her mind...


Title: The Seven sins of Samantha Carter: DRABBLE Series  
  
Content Warnings: Loads of Drabbles, mixed with different kinds of emotion, not much humour.   
  
Pairings: S/J not really, kind of...  
  
Spoilers: COTG, Hundred Days, Shades of Grey, 2010, Grace, Chimera and Lost City  
  
Season: 1-7 ALL OF THEM!  
  
Rating:PG-13, just to be on the safe side.   
  
Summary: Thoughts behind the pictures in her mind...  
  
Archive: Anywhere. I'm my own publicist.   
  
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. And I owe even less...  
  
THANKS Laura for taking the time to beta it when I moaned...hugs XxX  
  
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Author's notes: These are a series of drabbles (with their own titles and NOTED EP), set through the seven years that Sg-1 has had. The episode is listed just before the drabble...BTW, they are personal SINS.  
  
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~The Seven sins of Samantha Carter~  
  
Pride, Envy, Wrath, Betrayal, Lust, Denial, Devotion...  
  
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Pride can be a sin of many, and a keeper of few, if you study things in a different way. This is not one example...(Children of the Gods)  
  
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The veins in my head tense, I grind my fingers into the hard polished wood of the table in front. I glance at *him* periodically through sly eyes, without deferring attention away from the general, watching him watch me,  
  
Test me,   
  
Break me.  
  
Stress me.  
  
Making me...so....  
  
So, he likes to play 'ball' does he? Takes a chance in testing the water, try out the shoes, see if they fit...he's not going to win, that's for sure. I have more than his witty sarcasm, a rude arrogance to boot.   
  
So, Let's play.  
  
Captain Samantha Carter is no pushover...  
  
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A powerful Sin, Envy of another, and what *it* has over one man...   
  
(Hundred Days)  
  
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I stare into the mirror, rubbing at my paled exterior,   
  
Moving the flesh in circles, and then letting it drop back to place.  
  
Pretending that I have no idea that the person in the mirror,   
  
The one staring half-heartedly back,  
  
Is me.  
  
I sit back down.  
  
She's prettier than I am. She has that mothering touch, that natural femininity that men melt for and women only dream to accomplish without a lack of trying.  
  
What can someone see in something so boyish, I wonder.   
  
Nothing.  
  
Otherwise, he wouldn't be sat beside me missing her,  
  
Whilst I sit beside, missing him more.  
  
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Wrath, can tell the story of the passion that your hold in heart just by a delving into the lines on your hands and face, they tell a story... (Shades of Grey)  
  
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A year ago,   
  
I pictured him as a black and white man.  
  
Right, wrong, Light, shade, Sun, Moon, Love, Hate...I believed that I could think what he was before he even uttered it; a life long connection, something that between two people working so intimately was not...unheard of.  
  
What shocked me today, was that Jack O'Neill is a man of many, many contradictions,  
  
Grey areas, shaded minimally left a bit, right a bit, there...perfect.  
  
It burns in my recollection, to feel that he betrayed not jut myself, but Teal'c and Daniel too. I'm not blind to see how they are shunning him right now,  
  
I know this because, so am I. Running a grey area,  
  
Somewhere between Love, and a little left of Hate...  
  
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The Sin of Betrayal, is not one that easy easily remedied, when you hurt everyone you love, on both sides... (2010)  
  
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The four of us are only here for one reason, to repair the damage that we made.  
  
We know that. That's why we don't search for riveting conversation: it's not what we are anymore. It is sad, especially when we represented SO much to so many.  
  
But that's it. Broken now, pushed behind the revelation of lies, and deceit into just being blind to see what's staring right in front of you.  
  
I've missed it, but we said goodbye...and *that* means that the ship has sailed.  
  
I thought there was no going back.  
  
"Alright let's go."  
  
"Joe, I'm staying. Go if you want to."   
  
The look in my eyes betrays the rings on our fingers. I *am* staying.  
  
I need to.  
  
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Lust Samantha Carter, conquers over all...(Grace)  
  
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I had to look away.  
  
I'd never felt as much like a schoolgirl in front of the Headmaster as I did for that full five seconds that he looked at me. His eyes twinkled blacker than darkness ever had, his mouth quirked, so very naturally, and yet without a quipping, sarcastic 'Jack O'Neill' humours that usually lay there, undisturbed.  
  
I wanted to have my chance, the chance to explore to find out, to believe.  
  
In every feeling my heart had traded in all those years.  
  
Vanished in a second.   
  
His hand touched mine.  
  
"I love you."  
  
I didn't say it back.   
  
But he *kissed* me back, just as hard.  
  
Just as Sure.  
  
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Denial, as potent as it is distinguishable, can send you back to where you started...in an instant. (Ending scene for Chimera)  
  
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"I messed up. I went looking for something that wasn't, to get away from something that was...is...is/was."   
  
The statement coursed through the lips of her dull, expressionless face. His met hers for a second, before his fingers tore at the beer's label.   
  
"You didn't mess up. You just wanted to be happy...we *all* want that."   
  
"I'm sorry, if I hurt you-"  
  
"Ah! Carter, I'm...fine, okay. Drink your beer."   
  
"But I should have told you-"  
  
"Ah! *Drink* your beer. I'm okay, really."  
  
She should have known that he'd have dodged the 'dodgy' part of the conversation if he could, that was the way he was.   
  
Simple.  
  
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The Sin of Devotion shows that even when you know it won't save him, you still try...  
  
(The Lost City Part Two)  
  
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He looked so pale and, even in the tireless light of the Infirmary. His eyes hung above deep, dark circles, flickering aimlessly between the group, first Daniel, then Hammond, Teal'c,  
  
And Carter.  
  
She sat by him, avoiding his looks, hands intertwined and carefully placed between her lap and the edge of the bed. It worried him.  
  
Finally, she spoke above the noise  
  
"He needs to get through the gate?" she quietly theorised, gaining that attention of all in the room.  
  
"Yes Major?"   
  
Studying his features, she caught his gaze.  
  
"I'm going with him."  
  
"Major?" "Sam?"  
  
"He needs to get through the gate. I'm going with him."  
  
He didn't stop her *this* time. None of them did.  
  
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Where will it all end....  
  
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Did you like?  
  
Feed us anyways.  
  
Athena 


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